officially NOT pregnant anymore

Well, it's official... I am no longer pregnant.

lol, let me explain.

 

This week I had my six-week post-partum appointment with my doctor. As much as I've been looking forward to this appointment, I was also dreading it for a few reasons.

 

1> I was incredibly terrified of how much it would hurt to be "examined" post-baby/post-delivery. Recovery hasn't been the easiest thing for me, and I was really scared that being examined would ruin all the progress my body and.. cough cough (downstairs) has made; and the exam would put me back to day 1 post-baby, aka incredible amounts of pain. However, much thanks to my amazing doctor as always - the exam took 5-6 minutes and I was all done! It did hurt a little but my doctor was cracking jokes the whole time to take my mind off of it (hence, another reason why I love him).

 

2> Another reason I was nervous about today was because it was a reality check that my "newborn" isn't so new afterall. Six weeks down. S I X W E E K S guys. I feel like just yesterday he was a couple days old. Time flies when you're having fun, but let me tell you - time travels at the speed of light when you have a baby. As much as I love seeing Gunner grow into his own each day, it also breaks my heart to know my baby is growing so fast. And that I am official HALF way through my maternity leave. That's all I can say on that topic, because the thought alone of going back to work causes a meltdown right now. But yes, it's already been six weeks since my little 6 lb bambino was born.

 

3> Post-partum appointment means post-pregnancy, means I am officially DONE being pregnant. No more appointments every month with my dr, no more exams, no more ultrasounds, no more planning for the baby or planning for all those post-baby appts (me and him), no more... being pregnant. This long & beautiful journey has officially come to an end.

 

When I left the dr's he said "okay that's a wrap! back to the normal routine of yearly exams, so I'll see you next year for your pap! good luck!" And that was it. I honestly teared up a little because I'll miss coming into the dr's every month for updates on my little one, seeing the other pregnant women there and talking about our babies.. and truth be told, I'll miss being pregnant. Even truer, I already do. It sounds crazy I'm sure to some of you, but pregnancy is like a big scary roller coaster - it's got lots of ups and down and is really scary and stressful at times, but as soon as the rides over you realize how amazing it was and want to do it again. That's where I'm at. I'm not saying I'm ready to jump back on that ride, TRUST ME, I've got my hands full with Gunner boy and am MORE than happy with this new journey of motherhood, but yes, I'll miss being pregnant as well. You spend almost one year on this incredible journey and your body, your hormones, your APPETITE (oh yes, I already miss it being acceptable to eat everything I want at all times) - your whole world really does change, and it's a whole other adjustment once it's over to get back to the "normal" you. & That is where I'm at now. Trying to refind the "not pregnant roya" - But luckily, on this journey of getting back to that - I have an incredibly beautiful little boy to accompany me. And I now have a whole new rollercoaster I've gotten on, motherhood. I can already tell this ride will be the most amazing ride yet<3

 

PS - I also got back on birth control this week - so please excuse this incredibly emotional post. hormones, gotta love 'em!

a very merry weekend!

This weekend was our official "breaking in Christmas" weekend! I say this for a few reasons. First off, since Gunner was born, I have been really hesitant about taking him out a lot. He's small, it's FREEZING most the time now, people are crazy, the world is scary, and so on and so forth. I just haven't felt safe taking him out. If I could, I'd honestly stay inside with him bundled up under blankets cuddling all day, forever.. No, seriously. But anyways, this weekend was his "breakout weekend". I wanted to start my Christmas shopping, and (because of not being outdoors probably) - I wanted to get us, officially, into the Christmas spirit! Afterall, this IS baby's first Christmas, so it was about time we started acting like it! And boy did we!

Saturday morning we went and watched my girlfriend Danielle's son Noah in his first ever Christmas play! It was the CUTEST thing ever! Noah is 3 1/2 and recently started daycare at a cute little place in Roseville. They hosted a rather big Christmas musical, and kids of all ages dressed up and sang Christmas songs. Totally adorable! (& totally may be enrolling Gunner at this pre-school one day) Gunner slept through the whole musical, but it was nice because I got to catch up with Karin & Danielle, which I rarely ever get "adult" time anymore, so it was so nice! And got to hang out with sweet little Noah (one of Gunner's best buds btw) and my nephew Ethan (who, if you know me, you know how obsessed I am with him), so it was lots of fun.

 

First photo of the holiday season together! I'm used to being behind the camera now, so it was nice having one taken of us :)

After the play, Gunner and I went to lunch with my mom at The Habit for some delicious hamburgers and onion rings (possibly my favorite onion rings, period). Then headed over the mall to start some SERIOUS Christmas shopping! Neither my mom or myself had started shopping yet, so this was a pretty important shopping day. Gunner had never been to the mall (or outdoors really besides a few walks to the park and doctor visits) so he was completely A M A Z E D all day long. It was the cutest thing watching his eyes just roam around all day, totally enamored with all the lights in the mall and the noises. It's really a beautiful thing watching the world unfold for the first time; I found myself following his eyes all day to see what he was looking and "oohing" at, and I'd stop and start to see the beauty in it too. But yes, he was WIDE awake all day long and it was so nice seeing those big blue eyes for so long :)

Walking around the mall, I couldn't help but stare at this little handome guy being so happy in his stroller<3

While at the mall we met back up with Auntie Karin, so we could take the boys to see Santa!! Ethan is 3 now, so this year is his first year really understanding Christmas, and being excited for things. And this is the first year I've ever seen him so excited to see Santa. He'd been talking about it all week since we told him we were going, and he waited in line patientely with a big smile on his face. Then after he took his picture he said it was time for him and Gunner's picture, so we got one of them both. SO SWEET<3 Gunner bear was not as impressed with Santa as he was with the lights on the ceiling, so he took that whole hour to sleep... THROUGH THE WHOLE THING! lol! But, thanks to Santa's help, we still managed to get some really precious pictures of his first trip to see Santa. Let's be real, even if he was crying I would have thought they were adorable pictures.

 

After pictures, we went BACK to shopping some more and got a lot of our shopping done! My main goal for Gunner's Christmas presents, were to find some really great books and bedtime stories, so I could start reading to him at night, and throughout the night, to help rock him to sleep. Those are my favorite times of the day, in the middle of the night rocking him to sleep, so I thought some books would be great to help make those times together more special. And I wanted some Christmas books as well. So I searched all day and found the perfect collection to start his little library in his room (Literally, these are his only books so far, and I'm so glad I got to get them for him.. well me and "Santa" got them for him). I can't wait to go buy more books to buy him!

These are actually really beautiful books! They were originally $30 each, but both were on sale for $20 at Toys R' Us, so I couldn't pass it up! One was perfect because it was "BEDTIME FAVORITES", which totally captured what I was looking for. There are over 20 of the classic Disney stories in there + new-age Disney stories like Cars, Lilo & Stitch, Monsters Inc., etc! And the "Christmas Storybook Collection" are all those same stories, but with Christmas stories mixed in! PERFECT!! And, I'm a sucker for "collection books" with gold pages so, it was a must-have. Perfect start to his library!

This was the exact tradition I was looking to find. Now, every Christmas Eve, I can cuddle up with my baby and read this to him. AND, with the recording feature on it, I can record myself reading the whole book to him, and he can play it anytime he'd like.

After all day shopping we went to Rick's mom and step-dads to watch the UFC fights and have dinner (we do this every Saturday now) and while Gunner got totally spoiled by everyone over there, mommy got in a little nap.. which was INCREDIBLE to the Nth degree. I hadn't slept more than 2 hours straight in almost a week, so needles to say, I felt like a new woman when I woke up.

 

Sunday was really great as well. My Grandma Ruby, who suffered from a severe case of Pneumonia over Thanksgiving week and has been in Urgent Care ever since, was released into the Rehabilitation Building at Sutter Hospital. Which, amongst meaning she was fully over the Pneumonia and could breath on her own again and get the tubes taken out of her, ALSO meant that Gunner could go visit her. Which was really really speical. Everytime I'd go visit my grandma these last few weeks, she'd ask about Gunner and how he was doing and I'd show him pictures and she'd just tear up. It was such a big deal that she recovered finally and moved into the rehab building, I had to take him in as soon as I could to see her. And she just lit up, it was so sweet. She'll be there for three weeks now in order to make her full recovery, but at least now we can go visit anytime we'd like and Gunner can too<3

My dad playing with Gunner at the hospital. It's so sweet watching them, Gunner laughs the whole time and Grandpa smiles bigger than ever. He's such a blessing to our family<3

After the hospital Gunner and I went on our first walk around the neigborhood since it was such a beautiful day (and not 40 degrees!) and he loved it. Can't get enough of those big blue eyes. As long as the weather is nice, we'll be taking walks daily now that I'm almost completely healed and he's old enough that it's not to scary to take him outdoors. He loves it so much, and let's face it, it's time for mama to start getting mobile and physical again - January is right around the corner and my diet and workouts start back up in FULL effect. So it's a win win :) And, it's just another thing we can enjoy together, and that's the best part.

 

Then, last night Rick ordered pizza for us and we had a movie night with Gunner and Grizzly. Not before I gave Gunner an extra long bubble bath, then lotion massage (his most favorite thing in the world so far is that combo, and I love it because he's so soft and cuddly after). I can honestly say that nothing makes me more happy, and my heart more full, then family nights at home by the fire, all cuddled up on the couch watching movies in our Christmas pajamas. That's the perfect night in my book.

Our two little ones. This is the rare time when they both were calm and let me take a cute picture of them together.. PS, HOW cute are his Santa Pajamas?! LOL

So there we have it, our "Kickoff to Christmas" weekend! A very MERRY weekend indeed :) And now that I've taken him out and seen how much he loved it, I'll definitely be making some fun plans for us soon. Afterall, this is his very FIRST Christmas! I'm bound & determined to make it memorable (even if it's just for his scrapbook's sake!)

 

Here's a peak into Gunner's Christmas wardrobe... It's a little ridiculous. This collection is NOT including the outfit he's currently wearing, and the other 2 that are in the laundry.. Yeah, we all went a little overboard on the Christmas outfits this year!

today I have a one month old!

 

 

My precious little baby is already growing into a little boy. The last month flew by so fast, I cannot even believe you are already a MONTH old. From the moment we brought you home from the hospital, our lives have been completely changed. My days are consumed with bottles, diaper changes, spit ups and bath times; but i have absolutely loved every second of it. I love being your mommy.

Since you're not on a sleep schedule, all the days just morphed into one and I lost track of time.. And before i knew it, one week had turned into four. Each day you grow a little more into your own person and it's such a special thing to witness. Motherhood is the most beautiful job and YOU are the most precious thing to me. My heart breaks every time I imagine going back to work because I have loved our days and nights together more than anything. I'm not even going to think about work because I'll break down and cry right now. Instead, let's focus on YOU, and your special day :)

 

 

- you now weigh a whopping 8 pounds, 10 ounces! Which amazed the doctor at your last checkup because you have, not only, gotten out of being "underweight" (like you were when we brought you home), but you have grown so much in such a short time.

- part of your fast growing may be a result of being formula fed. Since the beginning it was a mutual decision not to breastfeed, between you and me. I couldn't produce enough milk, and you didn't want it anyways. So formula it is. We started you on Similac, but them you got a bad reaction to it so we switched you to enfamil. That's your bread and butter, you cant get enough. You're such a growing boy Gunner. It amazes me how fast your growing.

- even though you've gained weight, you still can only wear newborn sized clothes. Maybe you have thick bones or are petite, I'm not sure- but it boggles my mind how tiny you are still when I put anything bigger on you and you're swimming and falling out of them. At least you're getting your use out of all those newborn clothes!

- you are now 20.5 inches! Exactly one inch longer than when you were borne'

- your eyes are still the blue/grey color for the most part (though your dad insists they are green like his). You can now focus on things and make eye contact. And I love that so much, can't get enough of those big beautiful eyes.

- you know who I am. This is the best. Nothing melts my heart more than when someone is holding you and when you hear me talking you look to find me. And, even better, when you're crying and as soon as I pick you up you stop.

- you're favorite thing to do us to lay on your stomach on me or daddy's chests. That's the fastest way to get you to calm down or fall asleep.

- with that, you love tummy time on your playmat. Or just being on your playmat at all is your favorite. You kick and kick forever and now can hit and kick all the hanging toys.

- you love watching the fireplace when we have a fire going, and you love watching dad play his video games. Not tv or cartoons, just his games. Maybe it's secretly that you like it because it's with dad, either way, he loves playing with you.

- your LOVE LOVE LOVE bath time. As soon as you get in and feel the warm water, you're as happy as can be as kick the water and make all sorts of noises. And when we take you out you instantly cry. That's when I see you the happiest.

- you hate being naked, unless you're in the bath. Anytime we take your clothes off you scream bloody murder until you're covered again. Which makes doctor visits a little unpleasant, but I've learned to take you in your footed pajamas to make the transition smoother at the doctors.

- you sleep about 50-90 minutes at a time during the night. Haha, not the ideal situation, but I know you're little and I just let you eat and sleep as you please for now. You're not old enough to put on a schedule just yet, and I'm not working so I don't mind. I love it actually because that's when we bond the most, when I rock you to sleep and then cuddle you up in bed with dad and me.

- you can lift your head up! Which isn't a huge deal because since the moment you were born and placed on my chest you were lifting your head up to look at me, and all around.

- overall Gunner, you're a really great baby. You only cry when you're hungry or have a dirty diaper, and you are so sweet and loving all the time. I knew motherhood would be tough at times, but besides the lack of sleep, I don't have a single complaint. You're amazing. I could not have imagined a more perfect baby, and everyone that meets you agrees. We are so very blessed to have you.

So one month down, a lifetime to go. I'm so excited to see how much you grow in the next 30 days and to spend our first holidays together as a family... But please, feel free to slow down a bit, mommy can't take you growing any faster.

 

 

 

Gunners BIRTH day & photo journal

I know I'm a little overdue in writing this.. About a month overdue to be exact, but life's been a little busy (to say the least). Before I made Gunners "One Month" blog, I wanted to make this blog so everything could be captured, including his delivery into this world :)

 

On Tuesday October 30 I went in for my 38 week checkup with my Dr. He did his weekly exam and said everything was looking great and that the baby had completely dropped. That wasn't much to my surprise considering how uncomfortable I was. Ever since I had hit 35 weeks my pregnancy was a lot harder. Extreme pelvic pressure, entire body swelling, not able to sleep a wink because I was so uncomfortable, all the fun effects of being full term, lol. However, with all that, the doc still said things were "right on track" and I teared up when he said I wasn't dilated at all. I couldn't even imagine having to go through (at least) another 2 weeks of pregnancy. But little did I know, I wouldn't have to.

On Friday, November 2, my office threw me a surprise going away party. I was scheduled to work up until the following Wednesday, Nov 9 (I only wanted one full week maternity leave before my due date on the 14th). However, with how miserable I was, they were hoping I would take my surprise party as a sign I needed more time off to relax before baby came, and my boss insisted that be my last day so I can just take it easy the last 2 weeks before baby came. HAHA, so much for that. I had a great time at the party, but still planned to come into work the following week. But at the end of the day I had a feeling I should clear out my desk and just square everything away at work, in case this weekend would be the weekend. I did this everyday before I went home for work, but this day was different.. I has a strong feeling I wouldn't get the chance to come back to work on Monday, and I was right.

Towards the end of the day in my meeting, I started feeling a (for lack of a better word) "leak".. I didn't think too much of it because it happens a lot towards the end of your pregnancy. When I got home from work around 6 I asked Rick if he could look under my jeans and see any fluids leaked trough my jeans.. And being the amazing husband he is, he bent over and checked without question (lord knows I couldn't look no matter how bad I tried).. And sure enough, I had leaked through my jeans. Not a lot though, so I took a shower and just decided to we what happens.

I fell asleep rather early (I always got my best sleep after work) and woke up around 3am to see I had leaked through everything again, this time my pajamas. So I changed my under garments and wrote down what time to see how long it took to leak through to be sure I wasn't imagining this leak or confusing it for a little pee.. Yes, you pee on accident a lot during the end of pregnancy, lol. However, while I was awake I started feeling REALLY bad cramping.. They felt like menstral cramps but sharper, and they lasted over a minute long before going away. And my back, oh my goodness, it hurt so bad. And (I apologize for the bluntness here) it felt like I was really needed to go to the bathroom.. All in all, when I woke up at 3am I was miserable. I had always wondered of is know when I was in labor, If I'd be able to tell or not.. And let me tell you, when the time comes, you'll know. The menstral cramps, the "bathroom feeling", the lower back aches, the dizziness.. It didn't take me long to connect the dots. I hopped on google to read up on "signs you're in labor" and sure enough, they reassured me that's what was happening. At that time I started writing down every time I had a contraction and timing how far apart they were. I wanted to make sure I was in labor for real before I woke up Rick and we made the 25 minute commute to the hospital. After all, I was 2 weeks early (rare for first time pregnancies) and just 2 days prior the dr said I wasn't dilated at all! But after 3 hours of increasingly painful contractions, I woke up Rick at and told him it was time.

I'll never forget the drive to the hospital. After we grabbed our bags (they had been packed since I hit 8 months) and grabbed the carseat and got in the car - we were both beaming with excitement. I didn't want to call any family until the doctors confirmed what was happening. But we both knew this would be the last car ride in my pregnancy. The next time we'd be in the car, we'd be driving our son home.

As exciting and memorable as that car ride was, it was also incredibly painful. By the time we got to the Mercy San Juan hospital and checked in, it was 630am and I was tracking my contractions at 2 minutes apart (big change from them being 15 minutes apart at 3am). Rick was so proud wheeling me in my wheelchair and telling the nurses at the counter I was in labor. He must have told everyone we passed that we were here to have a baby. As soon as we signed in, they quickly got us into a room and me into a hospital gown to be examined. At 730 the nurses confirmed that we were in labor! I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced! WOW, it was really happening. She told Rick to call his boss to tell him he wasn't going to make it into work (he was in his work clothes in case this was a false alarm), and to alert the family - our baby was on his way.

Within 10 minutes, I had been admitted into the hospital and everyone has been told the big news and were getting ready to come over to the hospital. They moved me into my own room/delivery room and that is where I'd remain until the baby was delivered. It was so surreal. The nurse explained that my water had a small leak, and was slowly leaking out and would eventually break on its own, or they would have to. She said that I was not considered in "active labor" until I was 5cm, and that the goal for the afternoon would be to get me there. So once our families were there, Karin walked me around the hospital for 2 hours trying to get me to 5cm. It was so uncomfortable and painful and every few steps I'd have to stop and wait for a contraction to pass. I hated every minute of the walking but my nurse (who called herself a slave driver) wouldn't let me rest until I hit 5cm. Finally, at 2pm the nurse said that since I had been there for 7 hours and had not accelerated, they were going to give my an epidural, and start my pitocin. Hallelujah!! I was so excited!! I hopped in bed and waited for the nurse, I knew that now the baby wouldn't be that far away.

The epidural: I had heard horror stories of the epidural and the needle. I'm here to tell you, the rumors are true. I'm sorry to say it and I don't mean to scare you, but yes.. It's horrible. Its about the most painful 10 minutes of my life. The needle, the pressure, the incredible loads of pain being shot into my spine.. Yeah, not fun at all. However, 30 minutes later when it kicked in, I felt amazing! So I can't say it wasn't worth the pain, because it was. After they gave me the pitocin (around 4pm) my contractions were a lot closer together, and A LOT stronger. I had hit 5cm by then too. But with the epidural, I could watch my contractions spiking on the monitor, and didn't feel a single thing! Modern medicine is truly a beautiful thing.

Not long after that, my water completely broke. I felt a warm gush and told everyone to leave the room because I thought I peed myself (not remembering I had a catheter). After the nurse came in and told me what had really happened, then the magic of the epidural wore off. I could feel contractions a lot more and the nurse said to prepare, he wouldn't be much further at all.

At 7pm (barely 3 hours after the pitocin) the nurse came in to examine me and to all of our surprise I had hit 8 1/2 cms!!! We were S H O C K E D! Nobody could believe I had jumped almost 4 cms in 3 hours! (they originally estimated a midnight delivery). Baby boy was coming, and fast! At that time the doctor and team of nurses came in and transformed my peaceful room into a fully-functioning delivery room! It was crazy. 30 minutes later the nurse checked me again and I was 10 cms! It was go time! They prepped me, Rick, my mom and Karin and told me it was time to start pushing! I couldn't believe it. Instantly a wave of emotions took over me and I just started crying at the nurses announcement. I couldn't believe the time was here. You go through nine months imagining this day, and it had finally arrived. It was time to have our baby.

I pushed 10 times before the baby started crowning. At that time the nurse called the doctor in and all the doctors crew, and they all stood around me waiting for the baby. Even though my eyes were closed most the time, I'll never forget it. I had Rick on one side holding my leg and encouraging me to keep pushing and being so incredibly amazing, the best coach and husband imaginable. Then I had my mom on the other side, holding my other leg and trying to take pictures to capture each moment. Then I had Karin by my mom helping to keep me calm, and stroking my hair and telling me it'd be okay. I could have not asked for a better support group, or more perfect surrounding for our baby to be born into. The room was full of love and excitement. I didn't cry, I didn't scream, I didn't die and my insides didn't come out (though I freaked out for a minute thinking they did -- but was relieved to here it was just the "afterbirth").

45 minutes after I started pushing, our son was born. And then I couldn't hold back the tears. The moment I seen him my heart literally burst with emotions. I was so overwhelmed with love and joy that I was holding him, nothing else mattered. He cried once when he came out, and then laid peacefully on my chest looking up at me; The most precious moment of my entire life. He was an angel, our angel <3